if i could sit and have coffee with you…

near and far, old and new, friends, if i could sit face to face with you and share a cup of coffee (ok, we would each have our own cup; it’s not sanitary to share), this is what i would want you to know:

your repeated “words with friends” games with me are sometimes just the escape i need from reality.

when you encouraged me to start an etsy shop, it was just the push i needed to feel like i had stuff cool enough to sell.

the time you told me that you wanted to hang my photos (more than one!) in your kitchen, i was overwhelmed (in a good way).

that ball of yarn and crochet needles you sent may not have been a big deal to you, but i was having a bad week and it was the thing that carried me through.

the time i called you and you were in the middle of ending soccer practice and trying to feed your family, but you listened to everything i had to say anyway, means you are a special kind of friend.

just when i was about to give up on my exercise program, you decided to buy the dvd and start asking me lots of questions. crap--i guess i have to stick with it now.

those hours you spent trading emails back and forth with me, telling me that i am ok, that we are going to be ok, aren’t lost on me.

i lose my shit with my kids more than i want to admit.

i always apologize for what i have done, and i pray that somehow this carries them through to adulthood without needing too much therapy.

it’s ok to not feel completely fulfilled by motherhood.

i want to write a book someday. i can’t decide if it should be a story about my life or my grandma’s life or if i should try to write something trashy that will make money.

i feel inadequate when i read most mommy blogs. i also feel jealous.

when you came to visit me, even though you could have picked so many other places to go, i was beyond appreciative. elated. i felt really loved.

my kids watch more tv than i want to admit.

those live butterflies and that ant farm you sent were some of the most creative time my kids have had at home lately.

i am awed by your ability to find something to give to me when you are going through so much pain on your own.

everyone feels lonely and isolated sometimes.

working from home is not all it’s cracked up to be, and most days i crave being in an office with grown-ups.

i think a little wine or an old-fashioned cocktail at the end of the day is a great way to relax and give myself a little love.

i don’t love myself as much as i want to.

you help me love myself more.